I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
