Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
