dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize