They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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