Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
