i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
