I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
