The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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