I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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