I hate your face
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
