Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
