i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
