He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
God, I missed his penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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