she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
