I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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