i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
