I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
