What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
