watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
