sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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