I am puke
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
