he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize