Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize