When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
