Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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