good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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