I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
