We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
