First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I party with great urgency now.
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