Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
