i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
