Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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