im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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