Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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