I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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