You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
