I faked an abortion last night.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
