I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
