Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
