I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
