He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
