Apparently you make a good broom.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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