I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
did you just send me my own nude
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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