I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me I should be a condom model.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize