dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
someone get that fucking seahorse.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
