I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you still have your period?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
