Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
