Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
