maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
The power of my boobs compel you
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
