Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
