New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize