I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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