Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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