If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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