When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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