Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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