So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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