pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
