It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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