There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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