Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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